Bush Big Winner at World Stupidity Awards

The World Stupidity Awards were given last night in Canada. 

World Stupidity Awards

Bush tied with Tony Blair for Stupidest Man of the Year, Won Stupidest Government of the Year and took the Stupidest Statement of the Year for "Mission Accomplished", narrowly defeating Jessica Simpson's public pondering "Why does Chicken By the Sea taste like tuna? Is it chicken or tuna?" . Not to be Partisan, Saddam Hussein won the Lifetime Stupidity Award. Fox News won the award for Media Outlet Which Has Made the Greatest Contributon to Furthering Ignorance Worldwide. And the coolest thing, the show was concluded by a show from the band Mini-Kiss, a midget KISS cover band

Newsday.com - Entertainment News

Newsday has an article listing what various random entertainers would say to Bush if they met him for five minutes. Asley Judd's response is good, but check out Lemony Snicket's...

Five Minutes With Bush:

"'When I walked into the Oval Office, I would covertly cause some minor mishap - spill my coffee, step on the president's toe - and immediately, sincerely, profusely apologize. Once my apology was accepted in the spirit in which it was offered, and the president and I had a mutual understanding regarding the inevitability of human error and the importance of owning up to one's misdeeds for the purposes of overall harmony in matters of etiquette even during time of political disagreement, I would say to him, 'You see how easy it is, and so profoundly necessary, to apologize when one has wronged?''

- Daniel Handler, author, 'Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events'"

I lied to myself in High School, much to my dismay...

Someone asked me if my son Gavin and I looked alike as children. I had no idea, but I was interested to find out. So when I went to visit my Grandmother a few days later, I broke out her William Photo Albums.

The kids and I looked at pictures from my babyhood, and actually Gavin does not look that much like me as a kid. I was a scrawny thing, and Gavin is stout. That settled, I kept looking at the album, and got to my teenage years. It had been years since I had looked at this pictures, and I was amazed when I looked at them.

You see, in High school, I was not fat.

This was a revelation of stunning proportions. Sure, I was big, I have been big for as long as I can remember, but I simply was not fat. I spent the majority of my high school life hindered by my belief that I was fat. I didn't ask out girls, I didn't feel like I fit in 100%, I developed a jolly and paternal attitude towards friends and acquaintances that I thought was in keeping with my physical physique.

But now I see that, while large, I was not fat.

What the hell??

How had I convinced myself that I was too large to be of interest to anyone. More importantly, why had I convinced myself of this? I was larger than everyone else I know, certainly. I had a belly, to be sure, but the pictures I was staring at were not the pictures of a fat kid. I had lied to myself, and probably cost myself the chance to actually date girls in high school, which I obviously regret.

And I can't help but wonder if I am fat now (and I am definitely fat now) because that is how I have always seen myself. If I had just seen myself as a large guy, and not some fatso, would that be what I grew into?

A story starring my daughter

I apologize for the lack of blogging lately. Lots of things going down in the world that have made me not feel like blogging or much else. But, to get back into the swing of things, a story.

About three weeks ago, my evil dog mistook my glasses for a chew toy. The glasses were no longer fit for use and so I loaded the kids in the car and headed for the mall.

I got the glasses ordered and was told they would be ready in an hour. So, Merlin, Gavin and I kill an hour in the mall. We naturally find ourselves at Build-A-Bear, a retail teddy bear store where you get to build the teddy you want. Merlin is desperate for one, and a lightbulb goes off in my brain.

I tell Merlin, who still spends every night in Merideth and I's bed that she can have a Build-A-Bear as soon as she is ready to spend nights in her own bed. She is unsure about this bargain, and when I mention that she has to spend one night in her bed before she gets the bear, the deal seems closed. We walk out of Build-A-Bear empty handed.

Then yesterday, exhausted from a long day of Fourth of July Frolic, Merlin falls asleep in the car, and Merideth carries Merlin inside and puts Merlin in her own bed. Merlin is so tired that she spends all night in her own bed. The next morning, she awakens and begins to yell "Daddy, Daddy." I am asleep (due to my graveyard shift schedule) but Mommy answers her calls. "Yes," says Merideth. Merlin, awake and refreshed apparently says "I get to go to Build-A-Bear today."

Yes, her steel trap of a mind remembered that if she spent a night in her own bed, she would get a Build-A-Bear. So, yesterday afternoon, the family trucked to Build-A-Bear and Merlin got a Bear named Fluffy. Not to be left out, Gavin also got a bear named Lit Dog. I am not sure where Lit Dog came from, but hey, it is not my bear.

Supposedly, Merlin has agreed to sleep every night in her own bed as the condition for getting the bear. As I return home in the wee hours in the morning, I will see if it actually worked.