Way Too Bored...

I have been spending the evening sleepily perusing Project Vote Smart's listing of all Presidential Candidates. There are tons of them and they make for a great read. And after looking over the candidates, their positions and their websites, I wanted to make some suggestions to the aspiring Presidents.

1. Never, ever set your campaign website up on Geocities, Tripod or Angelfire.

2. Promising to outlaw abortion your first day in office is a good way of showing the country you have no freakin' idea how government works.

3. When running for President, do not combine your campaign website with your website detailing miracle cure for muscle disease, SARS and cancer. Especially when you are not a doctor and can not scientifically prove your claim.

4. If you wanted to get the comedy vote, you should have named your party the National Barking Spider Resurgence Party.

5. If you want to legalize marijuana and outlaw alcohol, please tell us why.

6. Saying you were a candidate in the California recall election of 2003 does not qualify you for higher office. (Too many examples to list here.)

7. Please don't tell us your nickname is Watchman or Messiah.

8. Do not name your campaign after a reality show.

9. Under Family, please be more specific than 2 or more children. Not knowing the exact number of children you have is a bit unsettling to the Average American.

10. Under No circumstance do you list Wild Orchid as your favorite film.