I lied to myself in High School, much to my dismay...

Someone asked me if my son Gavin and I looked alike as children. I had no idea, but I was interested to find out. So when I went to visit my Grandmother a few days later, I broke out her William Photo Albums.

The kids and I looked at pictures from my babyhood, and actually Gavin does not look that much like me as a kid. I was a scrawny thing, and Gavin is stout. That settled, I kept looking at the album, and got to my teenage years. It had been years since I had looked at this pictures, and I was amazed when I looked at them.

You see, in High school, I was not fat.

This was a revelation of stunning proportions. Sure, I was big, I have been big for as long as I can remember, but I simply was not fat. I spent the majority of my high school life hindered by my belief that I was fat. I didn't ask out girls, I didn't feel like I fit in 100%, I developed a jolly and paternal attitude towards friends and acquaintances that I thought was in keeping with my physical physique.

But now I see that, while large, I was not fat.

What the hell??

How had I convinced myself that I was too large to be of interest to anyone. More importantly, why had I convinced myself of this? I was larger than everyone else I know, certainly. I had a belly, to be sure, but the pictures I was staring at were not the pictures of a fat kid. I had lied to myself, and probably cost myself the chance to actually date girls in high school, which I obviously regret.

And I can't help but wonder if I am fat now (and I am definitely fat now) because that is how I have always seen myself. If I had just seen myself as a large guy, and not some fatso, would that be what I grew into?