Friday 5
This weeks topic by Colleen.
The 5 most profound moments of my life.
1. Marrying Merideth. Merideth is a smart, smart lady and I will never fully comprehend how she allowed herself to be hoodwinked into marrying me. She just wasn't paying attention, I guess. I remember nothing about our wedding. Not a blessed thing. The pictures look lovely, and the stories sound great, but from about 3 pm to the next morning is a total haze to me. My mind was too busy processing "She married me, she married me" to actually
pay attention to anything else going on. The realization of how Merideth
must see me in order to marry me was intense, and basically everything I have done since is an attempt to live up to her idea of me.
2. Merlin. One day, Merideth and I were driving in my parent's Volvo. It
was January. We had been back from our Europe trip for 5 months. I had just taken a job as an assistant teacher, which paid lousy but had good benefits. We were a few blocks from our crappy, rental duplex, and all of a sudden we both decided it was time to get pregnant. It was as if Merlin has planted the idea of her in our heads simultaneously. The fact of her changed our lives. We quit our crappy jobs, escaped from the high cost of Austin to the relatively low cost of Wichita Falls, we both got real jobs and slowly started to construct a life that could support children. When she was born, it was amazing. So very small. She was born with pneumonia. She had doctors running around, people telling me we may have to helicopter to Dallas, scaring me half to death. But she got better quickly, and all of a sudden I had a family.
3. Gavin. I was worried about Gavin in a way I was never worried about Merlin. I worried about almost everything. Merideth and I were still struggling financially, but because I now cared about money stuff, our lack
of it seemed all too daunting. I was worried about living in Wichita
Falls. I was about to have two kids, and I hated where we lived. It was great being around Merideth's family, but Wichita Falls had nothing of the
things I valued. Film, theatre, Music, Art. Nothing. I worried that our
kids would not develop the love of art that I so wanted them to. I was worried they would grow up Republican. I was worried about a repeat of Merlin's infant sickness, or worse. He was born, and I stopped worrying. It was an instant relief to hold him in my arms. If I could do this, I could do anything. So, Gavin changed our lives. We moved into Merideth's parents 1 room garage apartment to hit our bills really hard. And then we made plans to return to Austin. We moved to Wichita so Merlin could have stability. We moved back to Austin so Gavin could have art.
4. Casey. Here is the one I have been dreading since Colleen told me the topic. I have yet to write much on Casey's death. It is impossible for me to think about her death without re-experiencing the days before she died, and I never, ever want to re-experience those days. Those days I prayed to God, I threatened God, I bargained with God, I pledged loyalty if Casey came through and I swore revenge if she did not. Never have I felt so powerless, so alone. In the end, what I learned is that your faith or your prayer or your anger or your love cannot save someone else. It can only teach you how to cope with the loss. I miss her every day.
5. The Yad Vashem Holocaust museum Children's Memorial. I was 17 when I went to Jerusalem and saw this memorial. I hear it has been duplicated at holocaust museums around the world, but this is where I saw it first. You enter a dark room with millions of burning candles. Voices read out the names, ages and countries of the 1.5 million children killed during
the Holocaust. Upon closer inspection, you see that the candles are
reflections of 1 candle, burning in the center of the room. All the lights are connected to this one burning flame. It is remarkable.
My, that was wordy. So a quick list of honorable mentions, and we are done.
- My first viewing of Star Wars. This shaped the course of my life.
- Tintagel, on the Northern Coast of Cornwall, and the location where Arthur was conceived by Uther and Igraine. It is the prettiest place on the planet.
- St. Anne's Church, Jerusalem. St. Anne's is built next to the Bethesda Fountain, and is the prettiest church in Jerusalem. More importantly than that, the acoustics are so perfect that a tone can be heard six seconds after the singer stops. When Gregorian style chants fill this chapel, it is remarkable to hear.
Other Friday 5 Participants. Merideth, Adam, Melissa, Chris, Dave and Gina.
